(content) a paper bed, a paper gown (farming meat animals, discussion of death, MRIs)

[brynmawr1]

My wife and I raise meat rabbits.
Someone on a TV show
said, “Bunnies. They just want to die”
and it’s true.

We haven’t gotten to the meat
part yet.

13 live births, 2 still
1 eaten by its mother
(they do that when they’re poorly)  maybe, 'this'
then 1 could not nurse   maybe, 'failed to' and maybe cut 'then'
2 dead in the night  my ear wants to add a 'more' after '2', it's a rhythm sonics thing
3 when they were weaned.

Each body gets a shroud
of paper towel
and I think how death
can tell a story.  nice turn

Like how at 27 I worked  could cut 'like'
a summer in hospice
and listened to a man  maybe 'listening' and cut 'and'
cry I’m dying but he  move 'cry' to previous line and put 'I'm dying' in quotes
said it as if warning
the living to get out
of his way.

Or how my friend died
at 13 in a house fire
shielding her little sister’s
bones.

Or how last Tuesday
the MRI sang for me
again like one half
of a waulking song a  I like the metaphor here with the walking song (had to look it up) but not sure you landed it.  Might work better, IMO, if you extended it to include how being in the MRI made the narrator feel that relates better to the activity of 'waulking'
call-and-response
the sky above painted
on the ceiling for the
claustrophobics the  could work on line breaks in these last few lines, some strategic punctuation might help with emphasis.
weeping range of
the sky.

And now the rabbits
are both living and
dying with eyes like coal and   not great to end lines with conjunctions or prepositions, cutting as many as possible is best.
my coworkers say meat rabbits  maybe put 'meat rabbits' in quotes
are giving post-apocalyptic vibes  maybe 'sounds so post-apocalyptic'

but they don’t know
how death can be so simple
wrapped in paper.   nice ending

____________________________

Hi thewilderhen,

Very nice poem.  There are several instances where the line breaks make for nice redirection.  It keeps the reader surprised without being distracting.   I made some inline comments above for your consideration.  It can be a tonal thing but I would read through and cut any filler words, like conjunctions, prepositions, or articles that aren't absolutely necessary.  And like I mentioned, avoid ending lines with such.  Hope this helps.
Take care,
Bryn
PS don't know if you have a specific connection to Scotland, but my daughter is in her final year at St. Andrews.  Love visiting her!
PSS  Meat Rabbit would make a great name for a punk band.