12-06-2025, 10:05 PM
A gloomy poem about a gloomy topic (romantic disillusion / divorce?) I liked it a lot, altho I would say the line "I’ve delusioned a honeypot," does not work. "Delusioned" is not a word and the tongue trips over it, did you mean deluded, or perhaps disillusioned? Poets do coin new words, ofc, but it is generally considered a bad idea since new coinages more often look like typos than anything else. Always best to stick to actual words when you can. Also tiny typo on the penultimate line, Im > I'm
I cannot really give advice on free verse because I do not get it, I need structure to write a poem. I would be tempted to format your poem into three stanzas tho, there seems a natural shift in the theme on line 6 and again at line 11, tho idk if you want to highlight these breaks with literal line breaks or not:
I cannot really give advice on free verse because I do not get it, I need structure to write a poem. I would be tempted to format your poem into three stanzas tho, there seems a natural shift in the theme on line 6 and again at line 11, tho idk if you want to highlight these breaks with literal line breaks or not:
Quote:Who is this for, you or me?
It’s my pound of flesh I cut
But the idea of you made me;
I’ve delusioned a honeypot,
You’re free to dissect me.
How romantic.
You be my wife,
I’ll talk and you’ll listen,
You’ll say nothing I’ll hear,
I’ll give nothing you want.
But you’ll deal with and take it;
My pound’s not yet portioned
And you are still hungry.
I'm afraid all my worth
Is what you’ll take away.

