The Sieved Scales

[themanofmanyways]

A snow moon eyes the spring thickets
Two worlds exist, in mirrored aim
Wood kings skulk to singing crickets
Alone and proud, of regal frame ... what 'wood kings'? what 'two worlds'? how can something 'of regal frame' be 'skulking'? It looks like the poet has tried to write lines that rhyme, without much regard for what the lines are trying to say.

The swift prize takes to frantic flight
Its hinds ache, breath burning with flame
Joy and misery, bound in rite
Together meld in sacred game   ... as above

The game ends; one's eyes lose light
Two worlds existed. One remains
To live to take, to live again
To wheel the world through costly gain    ... ditto


Especially open to metrical tips, though any critique is welcome.

Hi - here's an old thread that might give you some guidance: https://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-15730.html

Thanks a lot for the feedback. If I have to explain the lines in my own poem (wood kings/two worlds/skulking predators), its fair to say it could be made clearer. I will consult the link again and see what others think to to see what can be done.