Elusive object of desire

[Dris]

I love the short lines. It adds to the punchiness of this piece. I love how you introduced ideas and associations in one single quote "Sunday nights.......powdered faces.....tequila.......smoke........rum.........bass......soul." then returned to them throughout the piece to anchored them to the theme. We generally return to what deeply troubles us, or what we feel is a way out of our troubles. These lines gain great importance through the repeating. The poem ends with a quote, but I can't find the beginning of it.

As for the theme, I think you nailed it. You painted a picture of someone that is living a life, or maybe is in a profession, that they do not want. There is a inner voice, or knowing, or seeing, that there is something better out there, but your subject feels stuck in the life they see with their physical senses. You bounce nicely between hoping for a better future and living in the present now, even if it's not ideal.

Well written. Nice imagery and storytelling. Captivating and punchy. Hopeful and devastating. Loved reading this. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you <333 your words mean a lot