The third person view

[Mostly Holy]

This is rather wonderful and evocative. The first time I read it, guided by the title, I thought it was about video games, but all those "I/eyes" make me think it is actually about depersonalisation or a near-death out of body experience. I have no thoughts to improve it, free verse is an enigma to me and I think this is wonderfully effective as it is, but I would like to know the intended meaning, thru DM if you do not want to say it publicly.

Also I suggest you use a horizontal rule to separate your comments form your poem. You can add one by typing hr encased in [square brackets], it will render like this:

---