11-07-2025, 03:18 AM
hey tun! this piece has a kind of jittery, playful energy that’s really fun to read aloud. the rhythm bounces around, and that repetition of “resolve the issue” adds a kind of nervous heartbeat to it, like you’re pacing and muttering to yourself. i like how “cornish pasty pie” suddenly shifts the tone — it’s funny, but also a bit sad in how it undercuts the tension.
a couple thoughts though — the ending feels a bit tangled (“knuckles ghastly why / and never mind the other guy / knuckles monte sly”). it’s got great sound, but maybe it could use one clearer emotional hit before it fades out? like, what’s *really* going through knuckles’ head in that moment — regret, panic, self-mockery? letting that peek through just a touch could make the weirdness feel even more human.
how do you, of all people, the most important; hear it in your head — more like a spoken-word confession or a dark comedy monologue?
a couple thoughts though — the ending feels a bit tangled (“knuckles ghastly why / and never mind the other guy / knuckles monte sly”). it’s got great sound, but maybe it could use one clearer emotional hit before it fades out? like, what’s *really* going through knuckles’ head in that moment — regret, panic, self-mockery? letting that peek through just a touch could make the weirdness feel even more human.
how do you, of all people, the most important; hear it in your head — more like a spoken-word confession or a dark comedy monologue?
Y.M.