In this my waiting

[brynmawr1]

In this my waiting

Ah, in this my waiting,
how fast October goes,
how swiftly the day fades into dark.  implied and not needed for meter to my read.

My melancholic rose,
like one who sailed an ancient river  'the', you are referencing a specific river, right?
where the green papyrus grows -

like her, like you: no age can wither,
nor custom stale. Your nose  this phrase lost me.  Too archaic with no obvious context.  Reads like filler.
may be substantially shorter,
but there’s poetry in your prose.   I enjoyed these last lines. I'm reading 'prose' as a loose metaphor for the day to day of life (and its beauty).

Hi Busker,

I am envious of your ability to continue the rhyme throughout the piece.  It is effective without being intrusive.  I don't like the title being within the first line of the poem.  For me, the poem need more context and the title would have been one place to provide that.

Overall, it is well constructed but lacks some coherence,  perhaps.
Take care,
bryn