Leave Like You Be

[Deor Ana Log]

Are you reading aloud when you write? As I already said - the original does not present a rhythmic unity. The quantity of rhyme you deploy creates an obligation to present a rhythmic unity. The rhyming sets up an expectation - and then the poem fails to deliver it. A poem by definition creates a unity of form and meaning. If one is going to use rhyme - then one needs to respect the formal requirements and obligations which it presents. In this case, it occurs throughout the piece, not as an accent or an interlude or a point of attention - but as a structural element. As such it carries the obligation to be harmonious and beautiful. But I don't think you are reading aloud when you write, Are you? I don't know what your poem is 'about' - any more than I know what my poems are 'about' - that is none of my concern. I make words that feel nice to speak at the time.

Not sure how to respond to this? Yes I do make my poems with the intention for them not sound gross. I simply disagree with you that it sounds ugly even though not all of the words do not rhyme exactly. I don't think that it would be worse off if it is did sound ugly, because as you have continually reiterated poetry comes from the subconscious and can't be edited or it will lose it's meaning. Thank you for spending time on my poems, but I don't think you are reading them with the intention of liking any part of what I write.