05-26-2025, 03:32 PM
Thanks for the reply and criticism DukeAlien, it all seems on the money. This poem was written about a relationship I had with someone when I was working on Wardour Street for the now sadly defunct MPC; I met them in a cafe there and I always remember that they seemed to glow like a splash of technicolor against the monochrome of the London streets. This was written a bit off the cuff and there are definitely too many "my"s in it (and some dodgy punctuation), which I will look at, as much as I like a bit of repetition.
I take you point here
" Main suggestion is to use less common words where possible. I always recommend checking each use of "the" for better options, but this is such a life-changing, unique moment (for the narrator, not the idol who surely doesn't notice) that "the" is mostly appropriate."
although I think there is always a balance to be struck between being too basic and too obscure.
I take you point here
" Main suggestion is to use less common words where possible. I always recommend checking each use of "the" for better options, but this is such a life-changing, unique moment (for the narrator, not the idol who surely doesn't notice) that "the" is mostly appropriate."
although I think there is always a balance to be struck between being too basic and too obscure.