Love?

[The_system_screams]

well, that was surprisingly bleak. And I'm not sure what it is trying to say except repulsion. Perhaps it's more of a feel? All this physical reactions, these uncomfortable bodily functions. Perhaps this is a black-out after a breakup? That's why it is so physical and incoherent?

It is not for me. I do like it that you keep the uncomfortable at the front, that it's a thread through the poem but I feel like the poem lost something of its meaning somewhere. Like the thing that makes it resonate. It has a husk around it but no beating heart.

Sorry I can't be more help.