Couldings and Feathered Hats- Critique wanted!!

[poetry_zealot]

I've been trying to spill my mind onto paper for a while now. I'm not sure why, but every time I write, it comes out abstractly, and I can't seem to do it any other way. I do enjoy word play and making up words. I feel there's potential in some of the pieces, but again, I’m more focused on feeling than understanding. I don't know.

Couldings and Feathered Hats


I roar in my ruby ribcage
For a touch that spirals me down a meadow
Im busy with the business, I'm a cat in its cradle
I jump at sound
I am in the middle and I grow hotter til a man whos got a goal like mine
Will see the soup im aging in 
For a good old fashioned cookout,
Drink me!
 feeling his wet pink throat
Letting its gelatinous texture, bring me to newness
I let go of the shears in my arms that hold a bent ache 
I release it like a rope 
And let my arms fall straightly  
Till there out like post 
And slither into a pressed stamp for letters, that i have to send for others
Making sense, of the unsensual 
Characters that want volume
Alchemy that breaks on through 
The wilds in which I hide behind is my lover, Who else could I touch 
I could break the belts buckle any time, its the weather
Read by one staring component, Ushered through quirks 
 Wet carpet garnishes martyrdom, Lobsters cry as being manhandled
California cotton balls constrict my neck, my beach blonde washed me ashore
I'll drink to say the cowboy in me missing my horse feels alive again 
Pressed jackets lay over hipsters kingdoms 
Cameramen born to be examiners, Too free to change with growing pains of etiquette 
Whales tails, St Andrews, Panic buys your mind like a dirty counterfeit
Words that don't call, They never do
Coo’in for your ribs, drawing on your flesh 
Kissing it like a baby, Making elephant acts
Violence on the valley, asking what it means 
silk white tops and open windows, you compliment my do 
Never spoke to Kassi, but she's miles away now
Kids playing in neon like sugarcake, 
I ask everyone “What are you all about?”
Love like a kite, Love like a knob you turn all the way 
Castle the board for a finale

I will be quite frank here. Some of the things you say in this piece are beautiful but it is too unstructured and chaotic to appreciate. Some lines are simply too long like the the 5th line and some line breaks seem to be completely unrelated. First, I think you need to find a general structure even if it's free verse to guide the poem. After which you can focus on the abstract. My recommendation is to reign in or revolve what you're saying around a certain idea/metaphor instead of having it be pure chaos like this. On a side note, look towards improving your grammar skills. Some possessive nouns are not given apostrophes and some phrases like "violence on the valley" don't make much sense. There is a lot of potential in your abstract mind but only if you can make it coherent for future readers. That being said though, I look forward to reading more pieces from you.