My Window

[The_system_screams]

Here is the thing - if I would be reading this poem in any other context I would dismiss it. Not because it's bad or anything, just that it tells me nothing. It evokes nothing. The problem with short form poems is they need extra attention to each word and even when one does give the effort the effort is often lost without intention. There is space between the words, both said and unsaid, the space that creates poetry.
I am not sure if this is so much as an advice or just a rant, I think you have something but that something needs to carve a better image/words/what-have-you to make it shine. I hope this helps.