01-14-2025, 05:00 AM
Hi Ton,
The rhymes generally worked well here, in my opinion. Well done, as it can be hard to pull off so many rhymes without them sounding forced. I think the poem was most successful in the last stanza. The tone and ideas there were interesting. In the first two stanzas, the language felt more literal, more information-heavy, in a way that felt a bit flat.
I hope this feedback helps in some way. Feel free to ask any questions.
All the best,
Trevor
The rhymes generally worked well here, in my opinion. Well done, as it can be hard to pull off so many rhymes without them sounding forced. I think the poem was most successful in the last stanza. The tone and ideas there were interesting. In the first two stanzas, the language felt more literal, more information-heavy, in a way that felt a bit flat.
I hope this feedback helps in some way. Feel free to ask any questions.
All the best,
Trevor