12-26-2024, 12:22 AM
edit2;
Of Two Minds
I don’t believe some evil other hand
built those dark Monticello passages
which then permitted Thomas Jefferson
to penetrate slave quarters secretly.
No, he designed, he utilized and knew
about them but forgot for hours and days–
much as that gifted polymath believed
his god an immanent but unconcerned
endowing, blind creator of his world–
most days, and while he wrote of human rights.
But other times he trembled to reflect
with nightly mounting dread, that God is just.
Sincere thanks to @alonso ramoran for the useful critique. I've tried to address your concerns in this edit, with an added tweak or two.
Yes, absence of commas is stylistic on my part - no claims made that it's correct. Seems to me that a line break has much the same function, to the reader, as a comma in blank verse... so I let one stand for the other unless definitely required.
Of Two Minds
I don’t believe some evil other hand
built those dark Monticello passages
which then permitted Thomas Jefferson
to penetrate slave quarters secretly.
No, he designed, he utilized and knew
about them but forgot for hours and days–
much as that gifted polymath believed
his god an immanent but unconcerned
endowing, blind creator of his world–
most days, and while he wrote of human rights.
But other times he trembled to reflect
with nightly mounting dread, that God is just.
Sincere thanks to @alonso ramoran for the useful critique. I've tried to address your concerns in this edit, with an added tweak or two.
Yes, absence of commas is stylistic on my part - no claims made that it's correct. Seems to me that a line break has much the same function, to the reader, as a comma in blank verse... so I let one stand for the other unless definitely required.
Non-practicing atheist