Poem: Voice - Help with last line
#6
(10-09-2024, 05:04 AM)carahmellow Wrote:  I really like this poem I'm working on, but I'm struggling with the last line. I have so many options that could work, but I can't figure out which one works best.. and sounds the most impactful. Maybe you have some ideas.

Voice

Were it Frost who penned
The Raven
Late that dreary night,
Would the masses
Praise the gothic tale
In his simple, golden light?
For his voice is great
And all his own,
Colloquial and bright.
We must remember,
Inside our pen
Breathes a voice;
We must not fight.
I know you're just looking for help with the last line but for me the repetition of voice in the last part of the poem is slightly jarring. The 'For his voice is great' line could have a different word to voice, the second 'voice' at the end is the more important one. 

Also I'm more inclined to accept a voice sleeping than breathing in the second last line.

The poem is good overall, cheers for the read.
feedback award wae aye man ye radgie
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Messages In This Thread
RE: Poem: Voice - Help with last line - by Bunx - 10-09-2024, 06:41 AM
RE: Poem: Voice - Help with last line - by Knot - 10-10-2024, 02:08 AM
RE: Poem: Voice - Help with last line - by Knot - 10-10-2024, 11:03 PM
RE: Poem: Voice - Help with last line - by Magpie - 10-11-2024, 05:59 AM



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