09-19-2024, 06:10 PM
Hi mariematisse.
Enjoyed the read, but I think your title is doing too much work, it makes the poem feel almost redundant, which is a shame.
I thought L5-7 were the weakest part (almost clichéd)
and I couldn't work out why L11 began with 'of' (what does that connect back to?)
Liked the ending (though, a line by itself after all those couplets? I'm not sure that one's weighty enough to carry all that. Is she laughing to herself, at the world?)
Best, Knot
.
Enjoyed the read, but I think your title is doing too much work, it makes the poem feel almost redundant, which is a shame.
I thought L5-7 were the weakest part (almost clichéd)
and I couldn't work out why L11 began with 'of' (what does that connect back to?)
Liked the ending (though, a line by itself after all those couplets? I'm not sure that one's weighty enough to carry all that. Is she laughing to herself, at the world?)
Best, Knot
.