08-10-2024, 09:56 PM
Hello James-
Each critique has suggested that you pare this poem down, and I agree.
It is an intriquing idea that a nest may be where your heart is, but you sure do take the long around to getting there.
The oblique references to the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz only obscure the view- just allow a reader to imagine that.
I would leave out any mention of skin unless you can tie it in somehow (it's confusing).
Your scarecrow is left hanging, and the metaphor could be employed to greater effect- that's for you to figure out.
It's a way cool idea, but it needs to be stitched together better. Rely on the images that you created and sharpen it from there.
`Mark
Each critique has suggested that you pare this poem down, and I agree.
It is an intriquing idea that a nest may be where your heart is, but you sure do take the long around to getting there.
The oblique references to the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz only obscure the view- just allow a reader to imagine that.
I would leave out any mention of skin unless you can tie it in somehow (it's confusing).
Your scarecrow is left hanging, and the metaphor could be employed to greater effect- that's for you to figure out.
It's a way cool idea, but it needs to be stitched together better. Rely on the images that you created and sharpen it from there.
`Mark