Already There

[Erthona]

Addendum:

" but it lacks a certain lyricism and rhythm to make it truly engaging."

James,

thanks again for your comments/critique. I was reading over what Mark wrote about this being able to could go in "fun" and I realized I might have not been giving the reader a fair shake as it is satirical, if not sarcaustic (see there, i did it again).What I mean by that is it is not balanced enough. I was so busy being funny...that I didn't any dignity to the characters, even if it is just a character sketch, giving it a bland/dry humor that could certainly lead to the reaction you had; which upon reflection makes me see I probably didn't give your comments the seriousness they deserved, especially that it lacked in a certain amount of " lyricism and rhythm ". Instead I focused on the comment about it being poetry or prose, so I would like to tender an apology for a lack of a serious response. Now that I have re-considered it, I think it is a very valid insight. Normally i wouldn't re-comment, but as you are newly here I didn't not want you to get that everyone here is rude like I was and hope I didn't run you off. There are really people here who do good work. I used to be one of them. unfortunately I have been spending to much time in the hospital to be at the top of my game. Anyway hope you stick around. Best, dale

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Thanks for your comments James. I don't know if it s a pointless exercise or not to get into picking the fly shit out of the pepper, i.e, is it a poem or is it prose, or maybe prose poetry. The lineation is of course is an artificial device, but it does emphasize the cadence as well as placement for rhyme: example

" who need God’s
help at the moment as they recover from whatever
operation they just had at the hospital.
Also praying for their own souls, hoping they are
“Saved” from the fiery abyss of Hell"

This is primarily based on accentual verse, that is to say the use of accents per phrase or line, somewhat akin to how free verse treats iambs, or as I often use it with trochee. There is also numerous poetic tropes, such as metaphor, extended metaphor and even aspects of oratory such as comparison and contrast. I think all of these elements can be put to good effect. However I think it is far more worthwhile to look at effects rather than of it makes it conform to a particular formal artifacts. Certainly I am just as guilty in the past trying to make a point rather than trying to be helpful. However I think, regardless from which direction one approaches the endevour in improvement in writing will occur will be there for the taking if one keeps an open an inquisitive mind. Still, it has ceased to matter less and less if it conforms to a formal aspect, unless that is one's stated purpose. I'll leave you with this, which is to say both sides has benefit.

"…and yes, there are many,
when it comes to poetry,
who can think only of that
abbreviated writing as such,
which conforms to a certain metered line,
a certain form it must endure,
and, of course, it ab-so-lut-ly has to rhyme.
But then,
there are those,
also,
and this,
not to be unkind,
who think that Velvet Elvis
is the highest form of art.
After all, is it not paint,
and is there not a canvas?
Granted, it is inky black,
not blandly white,
but who are you to say,
that they are wrong,
and you are right?
Isn’t this idea of yours just conceit?
Is beauty not,
in the apprehension of that form,
that pleases he who gazes?
Why should Velvet Elvis not be the norm?" 

From Velvet Elvis

Best,

dale