Distracted Perfecting Open G

[Collapsed We Swear]

Distracted Perfecting Open G


I met Bob Dylan, once,
while I was living at the Shakespeare and Company book shop 
at 37 rue de la Bûcherie, in Paris.  
He was wearing a top hat, walked with a cane and
was carrying two Mcdonald’s Happy Meal menus  
tucked inside a copy of Book of Longing by Leonard Cohen. I think it would be nicer without the repeated 'at' in the first sentence, and repeated 'was' in the second.

I asked if he wanted to dance.
He said, “sure, why not?”

We danced all night till the sun, big and bleeding, 
crawled above the cold blue razor blade of dawn. 
And we ate chicken nuggets by the river 
while the world lost its sense of humor.
And then, drunk and dizzy,
he kissed me, told me he loved me, 
and asked me to marry him. I think this stanza should be one sentence - it's all one picture and there's no reason I can see for the hard stops. I think if you made it one sentence it would make it feel a bit surreal and dizzy which could add something as well.

Hey, just a few thoughts on this - welcome to the site.

Thank you. You've helped, a lot. I will remove the second "at" and remove the second "was". And I will definitely reconsider the hard stops in the final stanza.