Untitled but seeking critique

[ATM89]

This might be a thornbush for me.

This poem sucks and I hate it, but it’s also wonderful and I love it.

It belongs in basic.

That’s not because it’s basic, it’s because it needs hammering, not chiseling.

---

If I had my way, I’d like this posted in basic in three chunks. Post a chunk, get it better, post the next chunk, get it better, etc. That should take four months. Then publish the whole aggressive weird imagistic noble nightmare all at once in serious. We’ll make a day of it. Slyvia Day.

There’s a good poem here. It’s keen and interesting and awake.

This stanza,

“When the rain falls,
is it comfort or calamity to be quenched in a soggy skirt?
My red highlights glistening amongst the green,
tantalizing all the forest.”

Is good.

But it’s also purple prose desperate to escape junior high English, and it hardly makes sense.

But it’s good.

Stay with us. Making this poem good is what we do.

Repost the first two stanzas in basic.

Thank you for taking the time to read it and offer the critique. I agree with everything you said. I will repost it and do some editing prior to and send it off to basic where hopefully I can re-work it some more. I also made a horrific mistake with the ending writing Slyvia and it should be Sylvia. Thank you for not acknowledging this. 

Also, prior to your comment I'd never even heard of purple prose--so thank you for the education. I couldn't agree more, I want it to be readable for all but also don't aspire to junior high writing. I will stay with you and we will get there eventually fighting it out one line at a time crow.