The Forest Loves to Play Her Game

[ATM89]

The forest loves to play her game
From mountain pool to silver stream
Not again to be the same

As morning light lays its claim
As the lake shines its golden gleam
The forest loves to play her game

Her creatures walk with steady aim
Mountains, too, as still they seem
Not again to be the same

I walk with them in quiet rain
Falling soft on treetops green
The forest loves to play her game

So it was before I came
So it’s been from time unseen
The forest loves to play her game
Not again to be the same

Hi there,

I think I get what you're trying to do with the poem but it feels a little off balanced to me. Specifically for me in the line mountains, too, still as they see not again to be the same, but then you say that you're walking with them in the quiet rain? Is it the mountains you're walking with? Or the creatures? Also in the beginning I'm not sure how I feel about silver stream, again I feel like there is perhaps a flow issue here when the stream is implying that it should be flowing the poem leaves me with the feeling of the opposite---but perhaps that is the game of the forest? I would love to hear some insight into your point of view and how you crafted and created this poem---what are you trying to convey and what are you thinking with it?  

I also don't know if there's a better word for the line "so its been from line UNSEEN" -- have you considered another word in place of unseen? It doesn't seem to flow properly for me, perhaps find a word that sounds and feels and lands like rain and juxtapose the two? 

I also echo Jonvandalen's sentiments with the rhyme being dragged out perhaps a bit too much. I think you have something to work with here overall though! 

Hope this finds you well.