For my son

For my son

Tiger the Lion Offline

The Whispered Roar

Posts: 772
Threads: 426
Joined: May 2014

07-09-2024, 01:43 AM

(07-09-2024, 01:33 AM)jonvandalen Wrote: Thank you all for feedback. I have posted a revision.

In this life,
the dancing
slows all
too soon.

You don't need "in which." "This" already does the job, plus it reads smoother without.

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Messages In This Thread

For my son - by jonvandalen - 06-30-2024, 07:44 PM

RE: For my son - by busker - 06-30-2024, 08:34 PM

RE: For my son - by jonvandalen - 07-01-2024, 12:07 AM

RE: For my son - by Miley - 07-01-2024, 05:07 AM

RE: For my son - by Bunx - 07-05-2024, 11:24 PM

RE: For my son - by jonvandalen - 07-09-2024, 01:33 AM

RE: For my son - by Tiger the Lion - 07-09-2024, 01:43 AM

RE: For my son - by CircleWalker - 07-14-2024, 03:49 AM

RE: For my son - by BurningSh#t - 07-14-2024, 04:43 AM

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