06-21-2024, 05:16 PM
I didn’t realize how closely my thoughts were to the other commenters here until I read them.
So instead of repeating them, I’ll say, All poems want to be sonnets, and this one really does. And all poets wish to be understood without having to write a sonnet, and you seem to.
Pick one. Express the fuck out of yourself without subtlety or write a sonnet with a proper turn.
Here, you have clever diction choices that let me know you’re a dyed-in-the-wool true poet, like smells instead of scents, spunk of grass, frail leaf-lace things.
I think do both. Have two poems.
Make this a proper iambic pentameter sonnet until you’re exhausted, and then make a deeply personal free verse e.e. cummings Walt Whitman Alan Ginsberg highly controlled thing.
Just do both. And post the two revisions together.
With that said, this is great. You need to want it to be perfect for the sonnet, and then the free verse needs to “sound right.”
Maybe it’s just perfect as is.
This is excellent work.
So instead of repeating them, I’ll say, All poems want to be sonnets, and this one really does. And all poets wish to be understood without having to write a sonnet, and you seem to.
Pick one. Express the fuck out of yourself without subtlety or write a sonnet with a proper turn.
Here, you have clever diction choices that let me know you’re a dyed-in-the-wool true poet, like smells instead of scents, spunk of grass, frail leaf-lace things.
I think do both. Have two poems.
Make this a proper iambic pentameter sonnet until you’re exhausted, and then make a deeply personal free verse e.e. cummings Walt Whitman Alan Ginsberg highly controlled thing.
Just do both. And post the two revisions together.
With that said, this is great. You need to want it to be perfect for the sonnet, and then the free verse needs to “sound right.”
Maybe it’s just perfect as is.
This is excellent work.