A Sworn Statement (new title: Fool's Gold)

[armadillosarecool]

TqB,

I've been keeping my eye on this thread to see where this poem goes, and really like your new version. I've got a few things to say, but mostly "well done."

Fool’s Gold this title makes more sense, and the new theme of the poem feels more focused and put-together. 

Backlit by dawn,
cirrus clouds guide the sky, 
a hemisphere of dominance how is the sky dominant? I guess just by being everywhere?
before consciousness fragments
the oneness of first waking. this line is absolutely gorgeous

Morning’s lucidity's or something like that, "Morning's lucidity crowded.." doesn't read smoothly
crowded out of the alembic I like this line, it provides a tense feeling
by the homunculi  this image feels disjointed from the previous line. i m
of memory, movement, and recognition
into another day
where it fades;
another failed experiment
for my alchemist spirit. "for" doesn't seem quite right to me... maybe "from" or something like that? it just seems off a bit as is


Overall, great stuff. I'll be keeping tabs to see where it goes!

Best,

aac