A Sworn Statement (new title: Fool's Gold)

[Semicircle]

A Sworn Statement

Powdered pearl dusts the sky               I like how this starts off dreamlike before becoming more concrete, like you are gaining your bearings in the morning.
to the west, backlit by dawn,
a hemisphere of dominance
dancing to the tune of caffeine
and consciousness before the fall
into social confusion fragments
the solitude of first awakening.                 Awakening sounds clunky. Waking would suffice.

Memory arrives with its clattering 
like the wheels of  a wooden cart       
weighed down with the revolution              Best stanza.
of bodily functions, heart and lungs               
demanding recognition and return.
Flesh and blood suck up gravity
until muscles rebel against immobility.   

These last two lines of the stanza are my favorite, but I read the poem without them and it flows much better. They trip you up.

Eyes revert to the day’s pavement,
ears to the interruptions of action.
Words flee back into the silence
of thought, uncertain, self-doubting.
I rise up and the moment has vanished
into footsteps, voices, and disbelief.
This is the testimony of my loss.

Hi Tranq,
I like this one a lot. It does a good job of describing the solitude of mundanity and the natural morning cycle. The title is confusing to me, I will have to read this one over a couple more times. Good job.

....

A separation should be exaggerated more in

"Flesh and blood suck up gravity                                    
until muscles rebel against immobility."     

The decision between rest and action is immediate. I dislike until.

....

This is my most immediate critique, I might have more to say later.

Thanks for posting,
SemiC