Run on

[Wjames]

Hey guys. This little segment is a snippet from a much larger project. I was playing with it earlier and had a couple questions for you guys. Not looking for crit so much as perspective. While I was toying with this section I realized I'd written one veeeeery long sentence. (not including the God love him). 

My question is, as a reader I feel like it's way too much to naturally breathe through, but as a writer I feel like that's part of my voice. I was just hoping for some first impressions because I'm sure it will help with the direction of the larger project. 

Thanks for your time. 

(excerpt from "Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast")

Dad was a sentimental sap;
a Teddy Bear                                                   God, love him.
posing as a Teddy Boy
till you tuned the radio
to some sad love song
and his cotton stuffing would
           breach the seams
like a Scarecrow ripped apart
by flying monkeys.

I like a long sentence. When I was in school, I remember a teacher saying a sentence is one complete thought. I think that's a good general rule for when to use a period.

In the poem I wrote for random prompt 14, the first sentence has 34 words (this sentence has 39 words not including "God, love him." which is an interesting device).

I think this sentence is one complete thought, I can read it naturally and there's no filler. I might have a problem with run on sentences when there's filler words that don't add anything, or when it has multiple different threads that would make more sense separated - this is one image (although sort of a collage).

The one thing people may have against long sentences is it may be difficult to read aloud in one breathe - I think this is irrelevant for poetry, line breaks provide a natural pause for a reader to catch their breath.