A New Wrinkle (edit4)
#13
Coming late to this poem, the original's

at odds with my known occidental birth–

reads better IMO than

so few discarded decades since my birth

though this line remains the weakest one in the pome, which is otherwise quite good
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Messages In This Thread
A New Wrinkle (edit4) - by dukealien - 02-21-2024, 05:49 AM
RE: A New Wrinkle - by TranquillityBase - 02-21-2024, 06:22 AM
RE: A New Wrinkle - by Tiger the Lion - 02-21-2024, 06:32 AM
RE: A New Wrinkle (edit) - by dukealien - 02-22-2024, 11:14 PM
RE: A New Wrinkle (edit) - by Knot - 02-24-2024, 12:41 AM
RE: A New Wrinkle (edit) - by TranquillityBase - 02-24-2024, 02:55 AM
RE: A New Wrinkle (edit2) - by dukealien - 02-25-2024, 05:48 AM
RE: A New Wrinkle (edit2) - by TranquillityBase - 02-25-2024, 08:49 AM
RE: A New Wrinkle (edit3) - by dukealien - 02-28-2024, 11:15 PM
RE: A New Wrinkle (edit3) - by Knot - 02-28-2024, 11:46 PM
RE: A New Wrinkle (edit3) - by TranquillityBase - 02-29-2024, 12:23 AM
RE: A New Wrinkle (edit4) - by dukealien - 03-03-2024, 10:14 AM
RE: A New Wrinkle (edit4) - by busker - 03-06-2024, 05:42 PM



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