Forward - Edit 1

[rayheinrich]

"Crossing guard whistles
pierce drum skin,
balloons in autumn
rise and burst."

I kind of like the reflection, the complimentary images of a thin drum skin
being pierced and thin balloons bursting. I sort of assumed that it was the
guard's whistle piercing an eardrum... made sense. That all this happens
while walking to work would be more than enough narrative for me, but
my interpretation has all of the elements, except two, tightly connected
into a single story. One of the freedoms I enjoy when reading a poem is
that some of the poem's creation is left up to me; that my version, my feeling,
is unique to me. One suggestion you might think about would be to remove
that comma after "work" in the line "on the walk to work, ".
Then both
"after touching eyes with a future lover on the walk to work"
and
"on the walk to work shattered glass is swept into a bin"
can be read.
It's like having a haiku where the turning point can be interpreted as coming
after either the first line and the second line. The conflicted unity that juxtaposition
causes pleasantly tickles my brain.