Wind
#5
(07-26-2023, 09:44 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote:  Acorns collecting
Reflecting tree branch shadows
Sticking together
The collecting/reflecting rhyme sounds out of place, to me—as well as using 3 present continuous verbs. I appreciate you are going for the 5-7-5 approach but you may consider changing "reflecting" to "reflect".
Other than that, I actually don't mind the contradiction of shadows being reflected. Normatively speaking it's hardly even a contradiction. And the shadows of tree branches sticking together is a beautifully simple articulation of a mute observation I am sure we've all made. I've no doubt that from now on whenever I witness this phenomenon I will recall this line.

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Hysterical you changed it completely. Oh well, fair enough. Serves me right for not learning to type with more than one finger.
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Messages In This Thread
Wind - by CRNDLSM - 07-26-2023, 09:44 AM
RE: Wind - by TranquillityBase - 07-26-2023, 06:38 PM
RE: Wind - by CRNDLSM - 07-26-2023, 08:55 PM
RE: Wind - by busker - 07-26-2023, 09:27 PM
RE: Wind - by Kynaston Levitt - 07-26-2023, 09:36 PM
RE: Wind - by Lizzie - 07-28-2023, 05:18 AM
RE: Wind - by CRNDLSM - 07-28-2023, 12:43 PM
RE: Wind - by Mark A Becker - 07-29-2023, 02:11 AM



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