07-04-2023, 08:00 AM
(07-03-2023, 08:15 AM)busker Wrote: Or perhaps he does not
Time, purveyor,
great surveying osprey. —period.
All things, prey to you. Youth, —I really like the idea. But, "purveyor" doesn't mean anything in this sentence*. Not even metaphorically. What is Time, literally or figuratively, selling in relation to the rest of the poem? Unless, time isn't the subject and the "you" is referring to something else (god?). This may be a syntactical issue, but I read it like "Time, great surveying osprey. / All things, prey to you." It's a beautifully articulated sentiment. If Time isn't the subject and I have to read a Wikipedia article to fill in the blanks, then I'm not so sure.
white teeth, strong gums,
skin taut like a drum’s,—This is my favorite line. The use of the possessive at the end is genius.
and lust burnt to ashes by
the third eye.
Pages are shaken into dust,—"shaken" is a past participle. Saying "pages are shaken" is the equivalent of saying "swimmers are swum". You either need the gerund " are shaking" or remove "are" and go with "pages shake into dust".
like those who wrote them. Why
the dead reappear to die,
or the gods we trust
in their rows upon rows,
there is one above them all - there is one who knows.
Ref: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nasadiya_Sukta
