Origin of Spice

[Mark A Becker]

I post to see what folks have to say. Not looking for anything particular.  Thanks for the thoughts / suggestions.

Some suggestions make sense. Others not.

Hello again, degrees,
Since the MILD forum is a workshop area I offer critique on poems posted here.  (If I have a poem for which I only seek general comments I post it in the MISC forum.)

That said, I'll try to clarify my comments:

Something primitive,
necessary, about eating
chilli pepper

jalapeños, Serranos
touching tongues,
other parts—

Something primitive  If I repeat this line here (only to illustrate), I can tie the two ideas together. That makes the precise placement of 'makes' important to this piece.
makes you want to tear
clothes, run naked through
rows-and-rows of October corn

I suggested 'tear off' since it reinforces 'run wild': as in tear off clothes, or tear off running.

I still think that 'other parts' is not doing enough work ahead of the critical turn to S.3.

What this poem says to me: There is a primitive 'need' (desire ?) to inflict pain upon one's self, described here as either eating spicy things, or runnning naked through corn fields. Whether or not I agree with that is beside the point- our primal urges can play out in peculiar ways. Many of our needs, such as eating and sex, are expressed by behaviors related to those needs.

Short poems can be the most difficult, and I believe that you are getting very close with this one.
Mark