02-01-2023, 11:54 PM
(02-01-2023, 01:58 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote: In this revision you seem to be putting more distance between yourself and your subject, and I was hoping that you'd revise to get closer.Thank you for your passionate critique. The fact is, I am trying to put distance between myself and the subject. And I wanted to carry the catchism idea to its logical extreme. Anyway, I have revised it with some of your comments in mind. The revision doesn't restore it to the poignancy that you liked about the original. But it perhaps restores some of the context that I cut out previously (and excises that moon
)I'm trying to express the choice I have of somehow encapsulating my grief into a bearable form, or succumb to it for what's left of my life.