Sun-ripening [edit, title change]

[Mark A Becker]

Hi duke-
I think the title should be Tomatoes


Tomatoes
left out
in a sunny room
stay bright and flavorful
while those refrigerated
lose their sweetness
rot and shrink away.

Just so with Man:  Really 'Man'? I think you need to make this more personal.
remaining fresh
demands not coolness
but incessant ripening.   The way I interpret S.2 is "so cool I've gone cold"

That's just to say that you're almost on to a Williams-esque poem here (like This is Just to Say), but it's gotta be way more personal.

Tighten it up and keep it juicy.
Mark

just now saw yer edit. better