December Evening (new title)

[TranquillityBase]

I think it might be better with “dusk breeze” as the title that doubles up as the first line, indirectly,  and the poem formally starting at “leaves”

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Also “a remnant” sounds verbose. “Some”? “Or”? “A few”?

Yes, I agree on the title.

On the second line, I was referring to those still attached to the almost bare limbs.  Hard to fit that into 7 syllables.  Perhaps I need to abandon the form.

Dusk breeze, leaves rain down
a stubborn few still attached flutter and tilt
shadows with black wings.