Mijo (edit 3)

[TranquillityBase]

I was thinking that the question mark maybe comes to soon and stalls the momentum of the intro. See below.

[quote="TranquillityBase" pid='261142' dateline='1664569344']
Remember that self-portrait?
You took it up at Lometa

with the old Olympus
held at arm’s length

you’ve got a beard
and you’re not smiling.

I try to read your face,
are you angry or just serious?

I look into your eyes
and pretend you can see me too.

Remember that self-portrait

you took it up at Lometa

with the old Olympus
held at arm’s length? I think this completes the same question with more momentum...

You’ve got a beard and allows this to be its own sentence with a cap on "You've."
and you’re not smiling.

Thanks Paul, a definite improvement.