Christmas future
#3
(09-18-2022, 07:45 AM)Semicircle Wrote:  
This is what you would become
had I not shown the future.
I’ll give you the choice–
will you defy nature
to further your own ends
or will you bear responsibility?
Either way, I can trust on you
to make the wrong decision.
In basic critique, this is certainly intriguing.  Spoken, presumably, by a self-conscious seer (or crystal ball?) confident of his/her/its accuracy in the initial prediction but not actually certain - except in a somewhat snarky way - of the querent's reaction.

My strongest suggestion is to change "on" to "in" simply because "trust in" is the more usual expression (as is "depend on," but that would widen the "hips" of the picture  Big Grin ).

A more nebulous observation is that the two described options aren't strictly opposite or distinct - a person could defy nature BY choosing to bear responsibility, for example.  But by defining them as distinct, the reader is forced  (or at least encouraged) to construct a scenario in which they are.  Neat.
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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Messages In This Thread
Christmas future - by Semicircle - 09-18-2022, 07:45 AM
RE: Christmas Future - by TranquillityBase - 09-18-2022, 09:04 AM
RE: Christmas Future - by dukealien - 09-23-2022, 03:53 AM
RE: Christmas Future - by Semicircle - 09-24-2022, 11:24 AM



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