mor then ded (retro)

[ZHamilton]

I forget the exact prompt for this, but it was something about writing a poem in a different form of English.  This is an attempt to write a poem in a post-apocalyptic English a la Russell Hoban's Riddley Walker:


thers no poent init inimor
no poent in ohpning eis to shur
sky so blu so symple not myn
inimor than roks or wyld dog sun (This feels very opaque. As this is an important line (being the final line of the first section), consider whether to let the reader in a bit more). 

go all wun, go daun ta river bank
see thuh drown men, seen bi all
floatng in grean waterd road
wher sypris pray daun to ruuts

if simpl simon sez so, ruuts groan
bak to bak an sauer the erth
dog grawls the fyr bak into ded bodied
far away whorisen, haf a wurld      

befor in fayth with lost mynds
brokn speers, where rat senks teeth
inits owen ded, an ther sweet breth
spreds lyk rottn clawth wythout

An interesting prompt, indeed! There are certainly pitfalls in trying in offering a critique of a piece written in a language one doesn't speak, but I'll proceed...I'm working on the assumption that you did not intend a one to one translation of modern English words to the post-apocalyptic version. (I could not discern a clear meaning for some individual words- whorisen?) But, taken as a whole, it carries the strong imagery and tone throughout. It struck me, perhaps surprisingly, as a hopeful work. Hopeful in that there will still be poems, and poets, on the other side of the apocalypse.