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[TranquillityBase]

Well Tim-
I ain't no superhero of critique, but I do know that the following lines de-personalize this very personal piece, and I do recommend cutting them.  Everything else could remain, and I only suggest a slight formatting change. Treat this one like a fine piece of wood that only needs light sanding, and no varnish. I really am impressed with your handling of a very delicate subject.

via strangers
in the internet ether.


Sunrise, and I send this to you:
I'm back from the mountains
with a toothache. I moved
your iron man onto the patio.

He’s lost his arms
after too many storms
but still peers patiently
at your leftover father.

You will always be part of me
so I send you this news.
I pray there’s still a way
for you to receive it.

If not, that’s OK too,
for my words to you
are a loophole
even death cannot close.



 

Thanks again Mark, sorry about the superheroes===got carried away.  how about superjinjas?

I was hesitant about those lines.

Tim