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[TranquillityBase]

Hi Tim-

Very poignant piece, and I love its simplicity. I think it would be most effective if you picked it up here:

I moved your iron man
onto the patio.

This poem harkens back to your Rayuela. Thanks for this one,
Mark

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Hello again Tim-
I subtracted a bit, but did not change any of your words, and only added one other word- a simple 'and ':

I moved your iron man
onto the patio. He’s lost
his arms- too many storms-
but still peers patiently

at your leftover father.
I send you this news
and pray there’s still a way
for you to receive it.

If not, that’s OK too,
for my words to you
are a loophole
even death cannot close.

This is powerful piece, Tim, regardless of my suggestions.  The 1/8 of the iceberg you share reveals the weight of the 7/8 that only you can know.
Mark

Thank you Mark, an excellent critique.  It was very much a first draft and I'll be taking your rewrite on.

Tim