The last

[Semicircle]

When ripe,
we succumb
she knows.              


Thoughts peter
and resurge–
each step landing
perfectly.                  I am sensing the tension of a duality in ripeness/rotting (succumbing)...


Together                  and in being alone, together...
we are alone,
she sees farther.        
than we ever could.


All in one,               but it feels like that gets dropped in the second part of the work without a clear reason why or indication of what replaces it. 
a dull bulb.


Crowd silenced,     
blinded, rotten–
our gods vanquished.  


She remains.

 r
. But, I'm wondering why she then remains with the gods 
What I enjoyed about this work was that it feels to me like abstract photography of the nerves, to paraphrase John Koethe. But the transition between the first half and the second could benefit from being brought a bit more into focus. She wh

Really good points you have highlighted. I have made a couple additions, some unrelated, but for fun.

Thank you!