09-14-2022, 05:08 AM
(09-06-2022, 10:24 AM)busker Wrote: My friend, your faceIt feels to me like some of the word choices here are attempts to avoid cliche, but these, instead, result in some distracting sections. It wouldn't take much to resolve these issues, though. I enjoyed imagining the friendship that must have given rise to the work.
My friend, your face
grows dearer the farther
you go are away from me.
Awash Adrift(?) in the sea
are all our days
together
for futurity, This distracts. Were you reaching for an alternative to "eternity" here?
yet the thought of your eyes
fills me with gladness,
and the garden of youth
still grows memories
of the things that you were,
whatever you be.

