My friend, your face
#5
(09-06-2022, 10:24 AM)busker Wrote:  My friend, your face

My friend, your face 
grows dearer the farther 
you go are away from me.
Awash  Adrift(?) in the sea
are all our days
together

for futurity,  This distracts. Were you reaching for an alternative to "eternity" here? 
yet the thought of your eyes
fills me with gladness,
and the garden of youth 
still grows memories 
of the things that you were,
whatever you be.
It feels to me like some of the word choices here are attempts to avoid cliche, but these, instead, result in some distracting sections. It wouldn't take much to resolve these issues, though. I enjoyed imagining the friendship that must have given rise to the work. 
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Messages In This Thread
My friend, your face - by busker - 09-06-2022, 10:24 AM
RE: My friend, your face - by TheJohninSnow - 09-06-2022, 02:36 PM
RE: My friend, your face - by Semicircle - 09-08-2022, 01:48 AM
RE: My friend, your face - by Mark A Becker - 09-08-2022, 05:10 AM
RE: My friend, your face - by ZHamilton - 09-14-2022, 05:08 AM



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