Last Life in Death (RETRO) - edit 2

[dukealien]

edit;


What must it be to drift unpeacefully
while recognizing nurse nor child nor bed–
for soul to churn when memory has fled,
to see and search and veer meaninglessly–
trapped in a breathing body, nearly dead?
Vain steeplechasing thoughts found neither name
nor definition when strange visions came,
unhelped by words those gathered wrote or said.
Yet, though the mind is lost, it feels the same
emotion from its living body - fear
of all its organs touch and see and hear
bereft of sense within its failing frame.
Someone will need to close your fearful eyes
and wonder if she’ll panic as she dies.

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I don't mind admitting I struggled with this, applying all the excellent advice.  It's still a work in progress - I use both "breathing body" and "living body," for example.

I do respectfully disagree with both critics about l.2 - to me, "nor" must have "neither," and looks archaic without it... for some reason, "or" implies "either" perfectly well but "nor" does not seem to successfully imply "neither."  But there it is, see if you agree.

Thanks to both!