The Fear is in the Risk (Retro)

[Tiger the Lion]

Half your social circle is long dead, don't need this comma
and the living don't care for your stories, if you make this a semicolon and strike "as if", you have a more immediate metaphor rather than the passive simile - hope I explained that ok
as if you're the last member
of your family to die.

I could do it this way:

Half your social circle is long dead, 
and the living don't care for your stories;
you're the last member of your family to die.

I think that trusting the reader to recognize the family member line as a metaphor is the cleaner way to go. Good call. 
However, I do need the comma after dead, because it separates two independent clauses. See Rule 3b. You're right, thanks for the clarification. The section reads nicely the way you have it here. (reads stronger as 3 lines also)

I appreciate the feedback, Tiger, and agree with you that it rambles on a bit.