The Fear is in the Risk (Retro)

[Lizzie]

Half your social circle is long dead, don't need this comma
and the living don't care for your stories, if you make this a semicolon and strike "as if", you have a more immediate metaphor rather than the passive simile - hope I explained that ok
as if you're the last member
of your family to die.

I could do it this way:

Half your social circle is long dead, 
and the living don't care for your stories;
you're the last member of your family to die.

I think that trusting the reader to recognize the family member line as a metaphor is the cleaner way to go. Good call. 
However, I do need the comma after dead, because it separates two independent clauses. See Rule 3b.

I appreciate the feedback, Tiger, and agree with you that it rambles on a bit.