Sea Life (edit 2)

[brynmawr1]

Hi Steve-

Just a few in-line suggestions

I sit on the Delaware shore as
my toes digging the sand.  Above,

osprey soar on grey-white speckled wing.
Tucked, they plunge with fierce precision                   

piercing the shimmering blue;
reborn they rise, a meal of silver "reborn" doesn't seem like the right word.  Also dropped "gleam" to the next line and added an "s"

gleams, tight in their talons.
The raptors climb on  "climb on" could be put another way

amid the shriek and holler
of sandy, tanned children.

Salted in surf, they eat till they’ve Somehow, "salted in surf" makes the osprey seem ready to be eaten
had their fill, sustained by every wave.

I always appreciate the realism of "observation poems" like this one.
Thanks,
Mark

Hi Mark,

Thanks for your suggestions.  Both you and Tim didn't like gleam on that line.  I was keeping silver and gleam together because, to me, the words represent one thing, like "doghouse" without compounding the words.  And the last stanza refers to the children.  When I wrote it I was aware of too many "they"s and the confusion it might cause.  I will make some edits to clarify, I hope.
Thanks again,
steve