Cattle
#5
(05-23-2022, 11:19 PM)Semicircle Wrote:  
(08-28-2020, 11:59 PM)Torkelburger Wrote:  Cattle (a Haibun)

not the odor   This is a bit confusing, flies wouldn't be disseminated by odor. They are drawn to it.
but skilled tails
disseminate flies
The first line needs reworking. Otherwize this is strong poem.

Thanks for the read, sc
Thank you, SC.  You're right, of course.  I might have to trash this one and just move on to the next, as there is not much else a cow could do.  "Mooing" might work (it fits the syllables), although is a quite a stretch for believability--but could make it kind of funnier though:

not the mooing
but skilled tails
disseminate flies

Meh, I don't know.  Thanks for the catch.
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Messages In This Thread
Cattle - by Torkelburger - 08-28-2020, 11:59 PM
RE: Cattle - by Semicircle - 05-23-2022, 11:19 PM
RE: Cattle - by Torkelburger - 06-23-2022, 02:35 AM
RE: Cattle - by Magpie - 05-23-2022, 11:44 PM
RE: Cattle - by dukealien - 05-24-2022, 04:01 AM



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