Beacon

[alonso ramoran]

I don't often remember dreams. I'm sort of indifferent to this line. The idea doesn't do enough to really capture me but it seems necessary to the theme the poem is trying to convey



The liquid evaporates in the shower, We have an image here, but as the poem's first image it, again, isn't doing enough for me. And I think it's because of (1) the way it is written and (2) the lack of just a little more detail. Maybe try something like "Liquid mists in some warm showers..."

or else it remains at the bottom I think "it" can be omitted

of the plastic yogurt cups

I toss in the bin

beneath my leaky sink. I love the progression and line breaks of these last 3 lines, it really adds movement to the poem



The faintest remnants

get trapped in my pores

and stored in the liver

to fester. This stanza isn't adding anything to the poem for me



Every few months

while driving to the dentist

or waiting in line for groceries, I imagine the N buying more yogurt



scaling Kailash in flip flops So the N is dreaming of breaking from the mundane rituals of day-to-day life. Can the mundane be considered sacred in the way this mountain is and in what ways? This is an interesting question I feel you might want to explore more in depth, but we're already at the end of the poem

after dancing a jig with a pixie haired girl

on the subway at the stop

near my old college dor I like this ending. I'm assuming this is where the N wakes up, takes a shower or eats breakfast, before the poem (or dream) ends.

This sounds like a silly thing to point out but the dream being described in the last stanza sounds more like a daydream, which seems easier to remember than an actual dream, and the poem's first line was about how the N can hardly remember their dreams. Maybe it's my personal experience that's confusing my reading? Or is this in some way intentional?

Best,
Alex