Jackson

[TranquillityBase]

[quote="Mark A Becker" pid='260189' dateline='1655306420']
Jackson

In Texas, 19 kids went under                  Most people will get the reference
the gun. They could only hold out          Their time was short.
for an hour.
Here in Virginia, Jackson has held out   The title.  Maybe change the title to give some addn'l context.
for over a year
and he'll get to turn 12
with one foot planted firmly
on the other side.

His ravaged body has even grown
some hair.  And we live in hope
with each new lock.  He lives
knowing that any day
may be his last, yet holds fast
to a dream of that first slow dance;
that tight embrace; that first kiss.
And he feels lucky.

And I feel the sting
of looking to our children                     I like the ending, I've been kicking around ideas about how the innocent pay the bills
for courage. 

Hi Mark,

I am going to disagree with the others.  I liked the concise writing of the original.  my suggestions above.  I don't think some of the specific details are that necessary to the theme.
steve

Mark,

I like what you've done and I like most of Bryn's suggestions, except the striking of the locations.  Today and for a while people will get the reference to Uvalde, but in three months?  Not so sure.  I think it places it firmly in a particular time, important for Jackson's story.  (You might even use Uvalde instead of Texas).

Tim