06-03-2022, 11:59 AM
(06-03-2022, 11:25 AM)Semicircle Wrote:Thanks Semi. I may just cut those last two lines.(06-03-2022, 08:51 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote: At dusk black waspsI'm not sure if wasps makes for a good title since the poem doesn't focus much on them.
swarm a hanging basket
filled with deer antlers
and the skeleton of a fawn.
Black on bone white Skeletons are often bone white.
against gray. this makes me think of asphalt, but the previous line is a bit of a head scratcher.
I really like this piece, but I think the last two lines need some reworking, so I can understand it better.

