Black on Bone White
#2
(06-03-2022, 08:51 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote:  At dusk black wasps
swarm a hanging basket
filled with deer antlers
and the skeleton of a fawn.
Black on bone white   Skeletons are often bone white.
against gray.   this makes me think of asphalt, but the previous line is a bit of a head scratcher.
I'm not sure if wasps makes for a good title since the poem doesn't focus much on them.

I really like this piece, but I think the last two lines need some reworking, so I can understand it better.
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Messages In This Thread
Black on Bone White - by TranquillityBase - 06-03-2022, 08:51 AM
RE: Wasps - by Semicircle - 06-03-2022, 11:25 AM
RE: Wasps - by TranquillityBase - 06-03-2022, 11:59 AM
RE: Wasps - by Mark A Becker - 06-04-2022, 02:54 AM
RE: Wasps - by TranquillityBase - 06-04-2022, 07:01 AM
RE: Wasps - by Mark A Becker - 06-04-2022, 10:53 PM



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